It is funny how most of the relationships that starts with a strong emotional connection, excitement, absolute happiness, a feeling of comfort and "la VIE En Rose” tend to end with the most painful and dramatic sorrow! I keep on asking myself this question? Is it only we, women that feel that the world has ended after a break up, especially , with someone we had some intense feelings for, Or do men also go through the same path?
Before I start my humble analysis of how a woman or a man deals with the emotional trauma caused by a breakup, I would like to emphasize one thing, that there is nothing called “ I break up with her/ him and I feel fine!!!” Most men or women who break up with their partner will feel sad, troubled, and not at ease for some days, weeks, months and even years for some people who might find it so hard to move on with their lives and call it a day!
One of the most important things that a person should never forget is that : “ It is OK to be or feel sad after a relationship has ended” We are human beings, and no matter how much we try to do to avoid that discomfort that, unfortunately, tends to visit us all the time after a breakup, we will still miss that special person. It simply means that while trying to move on into a new life, the memories of that wonderful person that we loved one day is chasing us and not letting our sadness rest in peace!!! But, that sadness is not eternal, it will fade away once you follow simple steps:
1- Accept the fact that it is over: I did a survey few weeks ago on break ups and I interviewed some men and women on their opinion on what makes a break up so hard and 85% of the answers were related to the fact that it gets so hard to accept that the man or woman we loved is now an ex! The first healthy step in your recovery would be taking control of the situation and believing that it is Over. Keep reminding yourself every day that it is over. and believe me, you will realize how fast you will recover from that heartbreak.
2- Do not, and do not, jump into another relationship so early: Most of the time, men tend to jump into a rebound relationship with another woman right after breaking up with “ The Girlfriend”. This is not a generalization, for I have known men who have taken their time to heal and recover and find the right person after a while. History, shows that no rebound relationship has been successful. Suffering after a break up is for sure better thansuffering while in a relationship with another woman or man who would be nothing but a victim of some old feelings that have not been mourned!!
3- Keep yourself away from him or her during the first months: Delete his or her number from your phone, do not google them on facebook, do not befriend their friends to see their profiles, do not create another account if you have been blocked on facebook so that you can have access to their profile, do not and do not put yourself in a “pity” situation by keeping on calling, texting, emailing,…. I know that when you miss that somebody.. you tend not to think about what you want to do and most of the time, you will end up regretting that email you sent or that text or that phone call. Let time heal your wounds, let time comfort your sorrow. With time, you will realize how mature you become in dealing with a break up trauma!
Get yourself busy: It is funny how life can turn us away from people we loved so dearly and people we have enjoyed their company , their talks, their little chat, and their calls. While in the relationship, most of us, women and men, tend to forget the outside world and we live in a small world where nobody but you and her/ him. We cut contact with most of our friends, we decrease our friends circle, we become so dependent on each other, so addicted to each other. Then a break up happens, and our life becomes empty! My advise to every men and woman out there is This: “ Friends are so rare to find, and true friends are a blessing to us. If you find that true friend, never allow anybody to make you stay away from him or her. Because in needy time, like for instance after a break up period, only a true friend will stand on your side.” There are million of things that can get you busy so that you do not spend all your free time thinking about your ex!
Do not take it personal: Do not be harsh on yourself, It is not your fault. That man or that woman is now called your ex for a reason. Be sure that you are not alone even if you think so. There are million of other women and men out there in this world who are feeling the same way you do. You will cry, you will not find it easy to sleep, you will not be able to focus, you will get sick, you will miss them, you will try to be in touch, …but it is only temporary. One day you will wake up and laugh and say yay It is over!! Love yourself, because only you can bring that happiness back into your life!!
Get closer to God: There is no better therapy in life than being close to God. Pray , pray and pray. We go through hard times because God wants us to get closer to Him, to pray and ask him for guidance. The closer you become to God, the more peace you will get, the faster you will accept that it is over and the faster your sorrow and sadness will be gone.
Talk about how you feel. If you cant find anybody to talk to. Write a letter, a blog, a journal, where you can put your thoughts. This has helped so many people deal with their post break ups grief. Every time you feel the need to call your ex or email him or her. Take a book and write whatever you wanna say . put all your anger on that paper. You will notice how relaxed you will feel after you finish writing it.
And Finally, remember that Post break up is not a fun time for most of us at all. We do go through real hard time. Some people manage to get over their ex in a short period of time ( mostly men), others, take more time in doing that.( Mostly women!) . If you are going through a break up, do not forget that the process will definitely take time, but with time, better things come!
H.J
