Can Love trick us?

Falling in love is probably the most beautiful feeling that can ever happen to a person. Once you are truly in love with somebody and that person shares the same feeling about you… I believe that Life is endless for both of you. You can have as much problems as possible. You might be in confusion, you might be in a misunderstanding about which movie you would love to watch the upcoming Friday, which tie he should wear with his suit, and which dress will make her less attractive to other guys… but at the end of the dispute, which might take a minute, an hour, a day or even months, you guys will always say I love you to each other. This is where the happiness of love remains.

But what happens when love tricks us? When we feel that we are deeply in love with somebody and that we can not be without that person for a single minute, then we get married to each other, and out of sudden that heat of love is no longer there and the feeling of anger and disappointment prevails. Is it possible that two people who were enormously in love with each other , who dreamt about being married and who felt so passionate about spending the rest of their lives together, end up in an awkward after- marriage relationship where one of them or both of them do not feel the same about each other anymore. Is it love that tricked them from the very beginning or is it the institution of marriage that kills love rather than making it grows?

Many of you , while reading this article, will be stating the fact that this does not happen to everybody. That there are people who have been happily in love and their love even grows with marriage. To those people who are stating this, I say, you are right and I totally agree with you. I have heard, read and even witnessed the life of many couples who fall under this category, however, there is still a large number of people who find themselves under the same roof with a person they once thought he or she is the love of their life, and end up living a miserable life after moving in together under the institution of marriage.

Many of these people, unfortunately, do not feel the courage to come out and say : “ My feelings for this person has tricked me, I thought I was in love, but I realized with time that he or she is not the person I loved...” In some of the Western cultures, I believe that there is some sort of openness about this. And in most cases, when such feelings arise within a married couple, one of them will speak his or her mind out and say, I can’t continue! However, in cultures like the one I belong to, marriage is a sacred institution, just as any other culture, and divorce is the last option to choose. Sometimes, I feel that we do not pay as much attention to how married couples feel about each other, rather than putting the full attention into not separating, no matter how dissatisfied one of even the both of them are in that relationship.

I have witnessed and listened to people, especially women, who have expressed the fact that they have lost the love and affection and even the attraction to the person they married, yet they are forced by the cultural norms and the traditional rules to be with that person, have kids and accept the fact that they are stuck in that miserable situation for mostly the rest of their lives, for the society does not “welcome” divorced women…

These categories of women are largely found in many of the Eastern countries including my own country. Of course, there are women , who were able to defy the cultural Agenda, by speaking out against anything that will stand against them being happy and decided to move on with their lives with no regret and no fear.

Some people might argue about the fact that saving a marriage is more important than feeling happy in that marriage. I say, Happiness comes first. Being happy is the key to a healthy living, a healthy body and healthy mind. There is no religion and no law that states that a person (being a man or a woman) should remain in a relationship where they feel no intimacy, love and closure with the other person.

I started my article saying that if two people are deeply in love with each other, life is endless for both of them. However, my dilemma is , how come two people who felt in love so deeply, find themselves, out of love once married? Does love have an ending time? Or were they tricked by love?

To be continued…

H.J

The Best Things in Life are free

"The best things in life are free" is one of my favorite old songs that i enjoy listening to, not only because of the rythm of the music, but because the song unfolds a huge amount of meanings about life, love and how little things in life can bring happiness that sometimes money can not achieve it.
When listening the song, i tried to compare the words of the song and what we live in today's world where everything, well almost everything has become money related. Money talk is the motho, and the rule of who is who reign over every part of the world leaving the moderate people with no choice but to feel discouraged, depressed and angry at life, the economy, the political agenda of their countries,...

I lived in a country where the majority of its people were on a daily complain about life. They complain about the governement, they complain about the poverty line, they complain about the unemployement rate, they complain about them not having enough money. and these people get trapped in a circle of non stop complain without tryin to end it or develop it. I know that sometimes when it is hard , it is hard but nothing is impossible to me and i bet that this is the case for so many people who believe that Magic can happen but it needs to be accompanied by hard work not just hope!
The world is changing so rapidly, and in the midst of this change, some nations are developing and others are deteriorating. To cope up with this change " crisis" every nation is trying to find a way to survive. Many European Countries are already grieving their losses and other countries are on the way to banckrupcy. People in many countries, following the encomic crisis, have changed the way they live, the way they spend, the way they even interact with other people. In Fact, the whole style of living has changed. But does this mean that we need to stop enjoying life.

In the midst of all of these, we need to learn one simple thing that has always been existing and it will always exsit, and that is: You can enjoy life in its simplest things because most of them are free!
I believe that the economic crisis has been a lesson to every one in the world to realize that things can never be the same and life is changing and so are we, therefore, we need to be very flexible with this change and not allow ourselves to be in an internal crisis as well!

Money is not the yardstick to Happiness, it is only a tool . Learn to enjoy every single moment of your life, Learn to enjoy every corner of your entourage. When going to work in the morning, try not only to get annoyed by the busy traffic, but be thankful to the fact that you are still driving to get to work, Many people are lacking that feeling simply because they are jobless.

When you go jogging, dont only focus on how many calories you are going to burn at the end, take time, slow down, enjoy the beauty of the park, look at the various types of roses, plants arround you. discover something new, interact with people, laugh and enjoy the moment,you will end up not only staying fit in the physical body but you will achieve a rest of mind and soul.

spend time with your family, cook dinners at home and try to do it more often. There is nothing as beautiful as a family gathering, Celebrate that togetherness with your family and Thank God for every moment you are being able to see them, simply because other people are longing to have a family but they do not have it.

Volunteer, it is free, it is not painful, it wont take much of your time, but it will give you a sense of appreciation and a huge amount of self esteem, and it will draw a huge smile on the face of the people who need your help.

Pray and spend time closer to God. It wont take much of your credit card, it wont need any hotel reservation and no flight ticket, all you need is a place where you can establish that feeling of closenes with God, and i am sure that it is accessible to every body in this world!

So what are you waiting on, dont wait on the economoy to get better so that you can have enough money to enjoy life, stand up and start enjoying the little things that are free and accessible. Then you will realize that happiness and self esteem is not fully based on money but rather on how willing are we to lead a happy life !

A hint to the wise is sufficient enough to react!

On my last post , i talked about how Love can bring people closer and heal almost every wound created by negative attitudes that are making people in today's world further from each other every day. Today, and while sitting at home watching a TV show about " Cheating" , which i come across by chance while surfing the chaneles, i wondered about this outspreading phenomenon that is taking place almost everywhere and in most relationships not to say all, simply because i truly belive that there are still respectable Men and Women who love and respect each other. It really bothers me to see a woman loving a man so much and doing almost everything to make him happy and he turns out and cheats on her. I immeditaly jumped on my computer and i started writing to share how i feel about this , especially with Women, because We are the most affected by the pehnomenon...

I always believed that Love is a beautiful feeling that everybody is pursuing and looking for. However; while watching the show i noticed that many women ( and here i emphasise that my message from this post is mainly to you women out there who have been the victim of one sided Love that resulted in a Cheating situation from your partner!

Once again, i insist that Love is a beautiful feeling. There is nothing as beautful in this world as when a woman is being truly loved by a man. When that man is ready to do anything just to draw a smile on her face. I have been in touch with many women who have expressed their need to this kind of love simply because they were not able to find it despite their endless trials.

While watching the program, i noticed the large amout of women who have been a victim of their men's selfish attitude and that is "Cheating". I saw the pain on their faces, i saw the hurt and the humiliation in their eyes and i felt how bad that feeling is for a woman who truly loves her husband, or boyfriend. I thought a lot about this and i come up with one major conclusion behind this act that equals the following : When a woman fells in Love with a man who do not love her with the same equity that she does.. that Woman is most likely to be cheated on.
Again, i stress that my conclusion is coming from not only the show i watched, but from personal stories i heard from fiends, relatives and many women who crossed my path throughout my life.

Out of Love, a woman can bear almost anything and some women unfortuantely, and for the sake of love and the protection of the relationship, they bear the cheating aspect of a man . The fear and the hesitation and in many cases, the low slef esteem, are the reason why many women out there were not able to stand up and say i cant take it anymore.

Every women in this world deserves the right to be happy, treated with dignity and repsect and Loved in return for the love she gives. Most women get angry and furious after a cheating act, they might break up with the guy for a week, two, a month , two months but where there is Love , A true One! that woman comes back.. but what she should know is this: Once a Cheater always a cheater...

My message to you women out there who have been in a situation where you felt like there is no other way to go but to be back to the man who humiliates you and bellitelled you and direspected you, i am saying, stand up and say " I deserve a better place because i worth more that what He considers me to be".It will be very hard to do it but here are few steps that can help you deal with it if you decided that you will walk away:

1- Always say positive things to yourslef: It is not about you.. but it is rather his instability that led him to cheat on a woman who loved Him so much
2- You Can always find better person who will appreciate you and love you the way you deserve
3-Keep yourslef Busy at work, arround friends, dont stay on your own
4- Look beautiful everyday ( that will reinforce your self esteem) Go shopping with friends, Treat yourslef the way you deserve to be treated!
5- Turn the page and dont look back simply because a man who decided to replace you was never the perfect match for you.. so there is no need to waste your time thinking about him
6- Smile and be Happy because there is nothing better that can cure the break of a heart than a big smile and a cheerful attitude :)
7- Forgive and Forget: It will help your soul get stablised and will get you over it in a short of time.

Remember that a hint to the wise is sufficient enough.. so dont wait for another heartbreak..If you find yourslef in this situation, Jump out of the relationship and call it a day.. It was not worth!

H.J

Love is the key to Peace!

Love has always been an essential element of my life as a whole. I always tend to love people unconditionally . I love my Mom to death, she is almost everything to me. I took the loving character from her and i tried to the best of my abilities to love all the people who cross my life.

I have had a great passion towards relationships and i have written in previous posts how important human relationships are to me. I have been knwon as a compassionate person who is always cheerful and nice to others. I do all i can to laugh at the face of other people no matter how bad my mood can be, no matter how hurt i shall feel down inside me, and no matter how bad a person treats me. I forget all that and i tend to react with a Big smile full of Love!

One day i asked myself this question: Can Love heal the wounds created in today's world due to hatred , crimes, wars, unfaithfulness,racism, and many more negative actions? And i did not hesitate to answer myslef with a simple one word answer and that is Yes! Love can heal almost everything.

When we are able to love people our hearts are always open and ready to forgive, we dont bear grudges and we dont hate. and this is exactely what we need in today's world.. We need Peace, and when i talk about peace i dont only refer to the geographical and social peace but i mostly insist on the personal and the inner peace of each one of us. Personal peace is a key element to our daily success, and i truly belive that once we are in peace with oursleves, we will be in peace with everybody who is arround us.

Back in 2004, when i was a student at Ashland University , in Ohio , i had a friend of mine whom we were a bit close to each other. Despite the fact that we were from different backgrounds, and different religions, we were able to develop a friendship. Lesely, that was his name, was a living christian who believed so much in his religion and i as a Muslim, totally respected his religion and i was so open to learn more about it, because to me, love should not only be addressed to your friends in person, but to everything arround Them. I believe that every religion is a gift from God and tolerating and respecting it is a respect to God. Lesly was an example of the so many friends i have got in my life who have impacted my life in a very positive way. They helped me discover that when you believe in diversity and when you treat people with different backgrounds with respect and integrity, you are creating a world of peace and love, and this is exactely what we are in need of in today's world.

lets accept each other's differences, lets celebrate the diverse background we all come from, and lets celebrate Love , for it is the yartdstick to our togetherness.... ( To be continued)

Houssna Jabir

My Love story with Reading

I always hated to read.. i always wondered how do people manage to read books and enjoy doing that... Even at that time i was in college and i had to read books in order to pass my exams, i was always trying to read in a smart way by trying to skip pages and read mainly the most important things that i thought would probably be in the exams...and despite the fact that i was always getting A's in most of my exams and papers.. i was not totally satisifed about my reading attitude simply because i consider it a problem. Why?

Ok here is why i always thought that i need to learn to become a reader. since i was a kid, i have always enjoyed writing. I can write and write for hours without feeling tired or bored, i tried writing poetry,short stories.. even my emails to most of my friends are always long. I love to write but i always hated to read. isnt that weird?

Wait a minute, in order for a writer to be , he or she need to be a reader first, simply because the more you read the better your writing can become. This is what my teachers in high school used to tell me.

I tried to solve my reading problem by taking the following steps:
1- Register with a local library
2- Buy a book every month
3- Read at least 2 pages of a book every night before i go to bed
4- Link my reading to my writing in order to be more enjoyable

It was not an easy task for me and i was always trying to find excuses to not read and cover behind my busy schedule at the time i was working and training.

One day, i was taking my hot choclate at a coffee shop in Santa Monica, and one lady was sitting across from me enjoying her coffee and reading a book. the way that lady was reading her book fascinated me. A big smile was on her face and she was really so focused on the book to the extent that she was not paying attention to the fact that i was gazing at her...

After few minutes, i took a glance at the cover of the book that has a beautiful woman on. I tried to copy the title as well which was " powerful inspirations" Eight lessons that will change your life. By Kathy Ireland and Laura Morton.

I left the coffee shop and i went directly to my library to look for the book and guess what? i found it. I checked out the book and i went back home. While checking the book , i told myslef that i will not even finish the 1st chapter.. however, i was able to read 2 chapters on the same day i took the book, which is a big achievement for someone like me. At that partciular moment, i realized the reason why that woman has that big smile on her face, simply beacuse when you read the book, you will feel that the writer is adressing every single women on this planet regardless of her age, color, religion, social background. The whole idea behind the book was to enable Women and to empower them. It shared so many truths about the writer herself that can be applied to change most of our lives as women.

Believe it or not, I was able to finish that book in 3 days. And that was my first step into developing my love towards Reading.

This was basically my story with Reading. Please feel free to share any book titles with me. your experience with Reading, and any other comments that woul be relevant to this post.

Best,

Houssna Jabir

My Life transition: Mooving to the United States!

I know that i have been away from connecting with you through my blog for quite sometimes due to some professional and personal reasons that unfortuantely did not provide me with the opportunity to sit down and write on my blog. But here i am again, putting my blog as one of the top items on my to do list... Kind of funny right? So before i pour you again with my writings about human relationships topics, i want to put you in the picture of where i am right now in terms of my location, profesional life, goals, in a nutshel, give you some gossip about me :)


As Some of you know, i have mooved to the United States in February 2010. I am now living in Los Angeles California. A wonderful state to be in. I love it down here so much.. it is not my first time being in here though...But... there is always a but.. "i know nobody in the city"... and i am still "jobless". Yeah kind of frustrating to moove from a place where you had a job that you loved. (i used to work as a program coordinator for the Women in Technology Program), a family and a thousands of friends, to a place where you know mostly one or two people.

I tried to adjust to the situation. It was not an easy task tough despite all my endless efforts to find means to get out of my isolation. My daily job ( i mean 24/24) was sitting in front of the computer looking for social groups to join on meet up.com, looking for jobs ( craiglist, idealist,carrerbuilder, linkedin,...) and looking for networking events to attend. For me this was the way to start making new connections and getting to know more people. It was an easy task to do, but rather very challenging.

Why challenging? well simply because, among all the job applications that i have been sending out on a daily basis , i get basiclly no responses. I doubted my resume, i doubted my cover letter and i seeked professional help for a well written resume and a cover letter. Yet, no responses!!! I did not loose hope and i kept knocking on the doors as we say. I tried online applications, random applications and physical applications. I registered with employment agencies... and i am still jobless, but i did not loose hope. So wish me luck!

On the social level, i managed to join some groups on meet up.com and one of them is the LA Arabic club where i met some wonderful people.

On the networking side, i was able to locate some conferences , workshops, classes,.. i attended some and missed others. But one of the brilliant and outstanding conference that i believe i wont regret having attended is the 4th Annual West Hollywood Women's Leadership conference organised by the West Hollywood city council and entitled: Unlimited Opportunities, Fierce& Fabulous!

Stay tuned for more information about this amazing conference


HJ