Why Me?

“To all the people who feel, felt or will feel lost at a certain time of their lives”

How many of us have felt lost at a certain time of their lives? Not just one, or two but the majority have crossed that path at least once or twice in their lives if not to say every time they try to make a decision related to a certain aspect of their lives.

Success is what everyone wants. We were all born with the passion to succeed and achieve. Each one of us adopts a different method leading towards that success. With that goal in mind we cross many steps in our lives, we meet various people that affect our lives in both negative and positive ways, we travel to different places and get acquainted to newer cultures, learn new languages,…And all these factors contribute to us adopting new ideas, challenging our old ones, getting rid of some of our old habits and welcoming new ones.. Then, we start to struggle in our own ways to get the perfect job that pays the most, get the highest degrees with the best future even if we don’t like the major, get married to the most successful man or woman, buy the most expensive items… So we lead a life full of non stop race and challenges, and in the midst of all this, our worries increase, our ambitions develop, and our minds give born to a situation called confusion or being lost!

In an early article of mine I have spoken about the importance of not only setting goals in life but making those goals happy ones; in the sense that if my goal or your goal is not a happy one, you will reach it after a series of hard work, sacrifices, dedication, perseverance and a whole set of motivational exercises, but you will find yourself not enjoying it once achieved..!

I always believed that each one of us has worked hard enough in direct and indirect ways to achieve a goal in life. Some of us have been successful in getting what they want, others have been finding it hard to get even one third of what they strive to get due to many factors, and therefore find themselves in a situation that we can summarize in two words: Why me?

Personally speaking, I have crossed the “Why me” Situation many times in my life and I know many people who have experienced such a “being lost” situation when making decisions about a career change, marriage, dating, divorce, traveling, having babies… Especially at today’s world when going on one direction has become almost impossible and a person is often obliged to make a stop at different junctions and ask for directions to be sure he or she is on the right road to his or her destination.

Through my article I would like to specify the fact that we are all humans and being lost at a certain point in life is totally a natural aspect that can be treated with many ways apart from sitting and repeating the phrase : I feel lost or reproaching one self by saying why me?

There are simple baby steps that each one of us needs to follow to jump out of such a situation and welcome a life full of satisfaction. I always insist on the fact that happiness starts from within, from us, from the way we see life and the way we thank God for what we have. The more we appreciate the little we have, the more we will get, and the happier we will become. Thus, our worries, and our loss will start to gradually dismantle and eventually disappear.

If you are currently feeling lost about a situation, please remind yourself that it is just temporary, it might take days, months or years, and it will stop because you will find your road eventually and you will get to your happy goal. Then why being trapped in a self torture status when all you need to do is this:

1- Set a happy goal in life ( it is very simple (e.g): don’t make your goal only getting a job that pays off well, but make your goal getting a job about which you have a huge passion and love.)

2- Plan your life and your goal carefully ( I would say plan with both your mind and heart.)

3- Consult with the right people (sometimes in life, we need mentors, friends, people with whom we can have a little chat and refresh our ideas.)

4- Stop telling yourself I feel lost ( It will lead you nowhere)

5- Remind yourself all the time the following: what I need to do to get out of that vicious circle?( take action)

6- Restore your self esteem and listen to yourself ( only you can help yourself to achieve what you want)

7- Be closer to God ( the closer you are to God, the less confusion you will have)

8- Smile and Be happy J Life is too short, so make it full of passion and happy goals

H.J

Can Love trick us?

Falling in love is probably the most beautiful feeling that can ever happen to a person. Once you are truly in love with somebody and that person shares the same feeling about you… I believe that Life is endless for both of you. You can have as much problems as possible. You might be in confusion, you might be in a misunderstanding about which movie you would love to watch the upcoming Friday, which tie he should wear with his suit, and which dress will make her less attractive to other guys… but at the end of the dispute, which might take a minute, an hour, a day or even months, you guys will always say I love you to each other. This is where the happiness of love remains.

But what happens when love tricks us? When we feel that we are deeply in love with somebody and that we can not be without that person for a single minute, then we get married to each other, and out of sudden that heat of love is no longer there and the feeling of anger and disappointment prevails. Is it possible that two people who were enormously in love with each other , who dreamt about being married and who felt so passionate about spending the rest of their lives together, end up in an awkward after- marriage relationship where one of them or both of them do not feel the same about each other anymore. Is it love that tricked them from the very beginning or is it the institution of marriage that kills love rather than making it grows?

Many of you , while reading this article, will be stating the fact that this does not happen to everybody. That there are people who have been happily in love and their love even grows with marriage. To those people who are stating this, I say, you are right and I totally agree with you. I have heard, read and even witnessed the life of many couples who fall under this category, however, there is still a large number of people who find themselves under the same roof with a person they once thought he or she is the love of their life, and end up living a miserable life after moving in together under the institution of marriage.

Many of these people, unfortunately, do not feel the courage to come out and say : “ My feelings for this person has tricked me, I thought I was in love, but I realized with time that he or she is not the person I loved...” In some of the Western cultures, I believe that there is some sort of openness about this. And in most cases, when such feelings arise within a married couple, one of them will speak his or her mind out and say, I can’t continue! However, in cultures like the one I belong to, marriage is a sacred institution, just as any other culture, and divorce is the last option to choose. Sometimes, I feel that we do not pay as much attention to how married couples feel about each other, rather than putting the full attention into not separating, no matter how dissatisfied one of even the both of them are in that relationship.

I have witnessed and listened to people, especially women, who have expressed the fact that they have lost the love and affection and even the attraction to the person they married, yet they are forced by the cultural norms and the traditional rules to be with that person, have kids and accept the fact that they are stuck in that miserable situation for mostly the rest of their lives, for the society does not “welcome” divorced women…

These categories of women are largely found in many of the Eastern countries including my own country. Of course, there are women , who were able to defy the cultural Agenda, by speaking out against anything that will stand against them being happy and decided to move on with their lives with no regret and no fear.

Some people might argue about the fact that saving a marriage is more important than feeling happy in that marriage. I say, Happiness comes first. Being happy is the key to a healthy living, a healthy body and healthy mind. There is no religion and no law that states that a person (being a man or a woman) should remain in a relationship where they feel no intimacy, love and closure with the other person.

I started my article saying that if two people are deeply in love with each other, life is endless for both of them. However, my dilemma is , how come two people who felt in love so deeply, find themselves, out of love once married? Does love have an ending time? Or were they tricked by love?

To be continued…

H.J

Love is the key to Peace!

Love has always been an essential element of my life as a whole. I always tend to love people unconditionally . I love my Mom to death, she is almost everything to me. I took the loving character from her and i tried to the best of my abilities to love all the people who cross my life.

I have had a great passion towards relationships and i have written in previous posts how important human relationships are to me. I have been knwon as a compassionate person who is always cheerful and nice to others. I do all i can to laugh at the face of other people no matter how bad my mood can be, no matter how hurt i shall feel down inside me, and no matter how bad a person treats me. I forget all that and i tend to react with a Big smile full of Love!

One day i asked myself this question: Can Love heal the wounds created in today's world due to hatred , crimes, wars, unfaithfulness,racism, and many more negative actions? And i did not hesitate to answer myslef with a simple one word answer and that is Yes! Love can heal almost everything.

When we are able to love people our hearts are always open and ready to forgive, we dont bear grudges and we dont hate. and this is exactely what we need in today's world.. We need Peace, and when i talk about peace i dont only refer to the geographical and social peace but i mostly insist on the personal and the inner peace of each one of us. Personal peace is a key element to our daily success, and i truly belive that once we are in peace with oursleves, we will be in peace with everybody who is arround us.

Back in 2004, when i was a student at Ashland University , in Ohio , i had a friend of mine whom we were a bit close to each other. Despite the fact that we were from different backgrounds, and different religions, we were able to develop a friendship. Lesely, that was his name, was a living christian who believed so much in his religion and i as a Muslim, totally respected his religion and i was so open to learn more about it, because to me, love should not only be addressed to your friends in person, but to everything arround Them. I believe that every religion is a gift from God and tolerating and respecting it is a respect to God. Lesly was an example of the so many friends i have got in my life who have impacted my life in a very positive way. They helped me discover that when you believe in diversity and when you treat people with different backgrounds with respect and integrity, you are creating a world of peace and love, and this is exactely what we are in need of in today's world.

lets accept each other's differences, lets celebrate the diverse background we all come from, and lets celebrate Love , for it is the yartdstick to our togetherness.... ( To be continued)

Houssna Jabir

My Love story with Reading

I always hated to read.. i always wondered how do people manage to read books and enjoy doing that... Even at that time i was in college and i had to read books in order to pass my exams, i was always trying to read in a smart way by trying to skip pages and read mainly the most important things that i thought would probably be in the exams...and despite the fact that i was always getting A's in most of my exams and papers.. i was not totally satisifed about my reading attitude simply because i consider it a problem. Why?

Ok here is why i always thought that i need to learn to become a reader. since i was a kid, i have always enjoyed writing. I can write and write for hours without feeling tired or bored, i tried writing poetry,short stories.. even my emails to most of my friends are always long. I love to write but i always hated to read. isnt that weird?

Wait a minute, in order for a writer to be , he or she need to be a reader first, simply because the more you read the better your writing can become. This is what my teachers in high school used to tell me.

I tried to solve my reading problem by taking the following steps:
1- Register with a local library
2- Buy a book every month
3- Read at least 2 pages of a book every night before i go to bed
4- Link my reading to my writing in order to be more enjoyable

It was not an easy task for me and i was always trying to find excuses to not read and cover behind my busy schedule at the time i was working and training.

One day, i was taking my hot choclate at a coffee shop in Santa Monica, and one lady was sitting across from me enjoying her coffee and reading a book. the way that lady was reading her book fascinated me. A big smile was on her face and she was really so focused on the book to the extent that she was not paying attention to the fact that i was gazing at her...

After few minutes, i took a glance at the cover of the book that has a beautiful woman on. I tried to copy the title as well which was " powerful inspirations" Eight lessons that will change your life. By Kathy Ireland and Laura Morton.

I left the coffee shop and i went directly to my library to look for the book and guess what? i found it. I checked out the book and i went back home. While checking the book , i told myslef that i will not even finish the 1st chapter.. however, i was able to read 2 chapters on the same day i took the book, which is a big achievement for someone like me. At that partciular moment, i realized the reason why that woman has that big smile on her face, simply beacuse when you read the book, you will feel that the writer is adressing every single women on this planet regardless of her age, color, religion, social background. The whole idea behind the book was to enable Women and to empower them. It shared so many truths about the writer herself that can be applied to change most of our lives as women.

Believe it or not, I was able to finish that book in 3 days. And that was my first step into developing my love towards Reading.

This was basically my story with Reading. Please feel free to share any book titles with me. your experience with Reading, and any other comments that woul be relevant to this post.

Best,

Houssna Jabir

My Life transition: Mooving to the United States!

I know that i have been away from connecting with you through my blog for quite sometimes due to some professional and personal reasons that unfortuantely did not provide me with the opportunity to sit down and write on my blog. But here i am again, putting my blog as one of the top items on my to do list... Kind of funny right? So before i pour you again with my writings about human relationships topics, i want to put you in the picture of where i am right now in terms of my location, profesional life, goals, in a nutshel, give you some gossip about me :)


As Some of you know, i have mooved to the United States in February 2010. I am now living in Los Angeles California. A wonderful state to be in. I love it down here so much.. it is not my first time being in here though...But... there is always a but.. "i know nobody in the city"... and i am still "jobless". Yeah kind of frustrating to moove from a place where you had a job that you loved. (i used to work as a program coordinator for the Women in Technology Program), a family and a thousands of friends, to a place where you know mostly one or two people.

I tried to adjust to the situation. It was not an easy task tough despite all my endless efforts to find means to get out of my isolation. My daily job ( i mean 24/24) was sitting in front of the computer looking for social groups to join on meet up.com, looking for jobs ( craiglist, idealist,carrerbuilder, linkedin,...) and looking for networking events to attend. For me this was the way to start making new connections and getting to know more people. It was an easy task to do, but rather very challenging.

Why challenging? well simply because, among all the job applications that i have been sending out on a daily basis , i get basiclly no responses. I doubted my resume, i doubted my cover letter and i seeked professional help for a well written resume and a cover letter. Yet, no responses!!! I did not loose hope and i kept knocking on the doors as we say. I tried online applications, random applications and physical applications. I registered with employment agencies... and i am still jobless, but i did not loose hope. So wish me luck!

On the social level, i managed to join some groups on meet up.com and one of them is the LA Arabic club where i met some wonderful people.

On the networking side, i was able to locate some conferences , workshops, classes,.. i attended some and missed others. But one of the brilliant and outstanding conference that i believe i wont regret having attended is the 4th Annual West Hollywood Women's Leadership conference organised by the West Hollywood city council and entitled: Unlimited Opportunities, Fierce& Fabulous!

Stay tuned for more information about this amazing conference


HJ

Graduation Ceremony-May 2006

Graduation Ceremony-Montana State University, Bozeman- May 2006
Wonderful people- Amazing Journey-and Honor Roll :)
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